April 5, 2008

2019 Android Draft Features Standout Prototypes

Posted in news report tagged , , , , at 7:27 pm by bk

via scottobear

04/05/2019 New York City, N.Y. — The 2019 BattleDroid Draft is slated for 12:00 Noon in New York City. This year’s crop of murder vehicles features some of the most effective and creative methods of disposal ever devised. Major corporations from around the world have submitted plans and beta prototypes into the pool to be drafted by countries, cabels, and organizations from around the world. This year’s winner of the first pick is the Federation of Developing Nations (FODN).

ESPN’s Mel Kiper and Todd McShay have evaluated and ranked the nearly 200 murderbot plans. Details to the each android’s make-up is top secret, Kiper and McShay were allowed to give some insight into the draft class of 2019.

“This year’s killing machine that is in a field of it’s own is the Blender 300a from the Boeing company. It doesn’t let anything stop it from fulfilling it’s mission and it has a motor that doesn’t quit. Not literally, of course, but it is nuclear powered, so it will run for hundreds of years,” stated Kiper.

McShay added, “One prospect to look for is the assassin out of Apple, the iDidit. It rated highest in the AI test and features Apple’s trademarked backup system so when one is stopped another takes it’s place.”

While each drafter hopes their picks are successful, the ghost of a draft bust still haunts the event. Kiper says not to worry.

“Everyone points to the Iron Man suit and says, ‘Hey, what a bust.’ The truth is, it would have been a lot more effective if Tony Stark wasn’t drunker than the captain of the Exxon Valdez.”

Top Ten Draft Order:
2: Hamas
3: China (compensatory pick from the United States)
4: George Soros
5: Oakland Raiders
6: Canada
7: Republican National Committee
8: Cobra Command
9: US Government
10: The Vatican

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April 2, 2008

Government Consolidates Space Program

Posted in news report tagged , , , at 8:41 pm by bk

via  ideonexus04/02/2019 Houston, Texas — Recent cuts to the NASA budget have forced the already industrious scientists to be even more creative. One way to work with the limited budget involves using one set of hardware for multiple purpose. One of the first moves toward a multitasking space agency is the new Fore-Warn system. This system combines weather forecasting technology with the so-called “Doomsday” Laser System.

“The Fore-Warn Satellite system combines our country’s need for national security and weather prediction,” said Pentagon Spokeswoman Sarah Yount. “Let’s be honest. The need to raze a country with a laser from space only comes up every 18 months or so. Why not have that thing tell us if it’s going to rain while it’s just floating around up there?”

NASA officials were equally excited for the new satellite system.

“We essentially strapped a death-ray onto an expensive weather balloon. Tell me that isn’t cool,” stated a NASA employee who wished to remain anonymous.

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